Just Another Day in the Office

Greetings from my remote office- Starbucks! Thank goodness for their prevalence!

Wait, You're Back? Really?

If it weren’t for the fact that I don’t currently have internet where I am living, this all would have gone up on a blog weeks ago.  Every little thing that has happened lately, I have put mental pen to mental paper and have written something amusing, witty, and memorable- for myself.  But since having moved- and sending out my “new address!” e-mail, many people have written back to me and said, “Congrats on the new job! Are you doing a blog on it like last time?” Well, if I had time to respond to those e-mails (thank you by the way!) I would have originally said, eh no.  I have to work on nailing my new job- priorities people!  But all these e-mails and suggestions and messages got me to thinking about how much I do miss writing, and what funny and interesting observations I really would like to write about.

So, that being said.  Patent Pumps are back.  Let’s lay some ground rules though, shall we?

Will the boarding passes be back too, you ask?  Well yes- sort of.  Instead of two wheels taking off and touching down on tarmack, I’ll be spending a little bit more time in my own wheels, driving about on turnpikes, tollways, freeways, country roads, you name it.  And by my own wheels, I mean my new company car.  More on that later.

What about all that anonymity like last time? Are you going to come up with codenames and aliases for people in your adventures?  I don’t know… guess you’ll have to read to find out!

Is this just going to be about your job again? I work enough and don’t really want to just read about someone else’s workload…. No way.  I’m broadening the scope a little bit.  I’ll be updating from the road, between applications (*hint hint*), before, during and after adventures.  All work and no play makes Jane a dull gal!

I promise to update as often as my schedule allows, as long as you promise to be an avid reader.  My pumps are back off the shelf, and actually, literally at the cobbler as we speak getting re-heeled.  Time to break in the patent pumps again- here we go!

Patent Pumps Field Guide to Strange Household Visitors

And by strange household visitors, I don’t mean those house guests who stay as they pass through town, nor am I referring to estranged relatives who overstay their welcome and eat all your food.  I am referencing those unidentifiable creatures that crawl in corners, hang from the ceiling, and buzz around the rim of your cocktail in the evening.  What, you don’t have cocktails in the evening?  Well, you might consider mixing yourself a stiff drink after the bugs you came across in my new house. 

There could be a handful of reasons why the weirdest bugs in the state of North Carolina inhabit my house.  One, my charming little duplex was previously inhabited by the oldest woman in the city of Burlington.  Just kidding- but really, the property hadn’t been cleaned or really lived in in a long time, and then I came along.  Being an older home, it’s got its character and charms, and lots of quirks; and I think some of those quirks are bugs.  Primarily though, I think my infestation problem is due to the beautiful oak tree that stands in the middle of my porch expansive. 

What I’d really like to know is what type of bugs they are, not even really how to get rid of them because honestly, there are not too many (and I need the company).  They are just the strangest looking creatures I have ever seen.  And when one makes an appearance- be it the bright red, fuzzy spider, or the clear amoeba-like centipede with brown hairs- it’s like a stand-off in the middle of the kitchen floor, to see who is going to move first. 

The following are techniques I’ve found particularly useful (because my boyfriend does not live with me and is not here) to kill bugs:

• Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and stomp on the little (or sometimes big) guy
• Go to work and hope he’s gone by the time you’ve returned
• The humane method, collect him in a cardboard moving box and escort him outside with his other friends
• And finally, look up to the ceiling and think, why on earth have I not gotten a dog yet? Don’t they eat things like this?

All four are effective methods, although the latter makes me homesick for my parent’s dogs, and then I start thinking about home, and my dad’s great cooking, and I am immediately sidetracked at the question: what shall I make for dinner?

More on cooking for one later. An by later, probably when I get back from Fall Travel season!