Stripping and Airports

So, flying as much as I have in the past three months, I have developed an outfit and packing technique that makes going through security easier. Typically, I don my trouser denim, black tank and some type of cardigan, paired with black flats and a chunky, colorful necklace. Not only is this outfit comfortable, but it is also rather heavy, so I’m given a little bit more space and weight in my suitcase. I tow my briefcase with me, which is filled to the brim with reports, papers, binders and my trusty laptop. My purse is loaded down with my jewelry (don’t want it stolen out of my bag), two crackberries (work one and personal one), a water bottle (empty- I fill it on the other side of the gate thanks to the “no liquids policy”), a book (another Paul Theroux at the moment, duh), a magazine (the latest issue of Wine and Spirits) and my wallet (if you know me well, you know my wallet is like a small clutch). So naturally, I approach security, whip out my laptop, throw it in a bin and strip down to my jeans and tank to walk through the metal detector. Shoes, bags and sweaters are jammed into another bin and my darling patent leather briefcase on wheels brings up the rear. 2 minutes maximum. No big deal. And best part yet… I’m never stopped through the metal detector and never chosen for a random search.

Well, inconveniently, the seasons are starting to change and now that I’ve mentioned I’m never stopped, I’m sure I will be- like today, at 4:30am, in Indianapolis. Charming. Due to the weather change, I now have to pack and travel with heavier shoes also, a sweatshirt or a coat, maybe an extra sweater and a pashmina (doubles as a pillow/ blanket, and if I’m feeling particularly mischievous on a flight, a blanket fort in my seat). This extra layer of sweater and scarves adds an extra 3 minutes to my strip down session at security. What I find even more annoying than the extra layer, is by the time you peel off all your extra clothes, the airport is freezing! Your bare feet are on cold, dirty tile floor and the air conditioning is blasting past you, chilling you to the bone. It is comparable to the feeling you have when you get out of a hot shower and step into a cold bathroom. I guess really, I only find this extremely annoying because when I fly, it is usually unnaturally early in the morning, or extremely late at night; prime cranky hours for me.

Tip of the iceberg this morning? I was also selected for an obnoxious “bonus” security walk through. You walk through some wind chamber-like device, have to spin around in circles, hands in the air- ridiculous. I swear it’s for the sheer entertainment of the security people. Needless to say I was not stashing any secret explosive devices (just an extra pair of earrings in my pocket) and I was increasingly peeved at TSA.

Best method for survival? I think I’m going to start traveling in a dress (comfortable!) with tights and boots- they are in once again this season. Hmm... shopping trip? That means I only have to take off the boots (30 seconds) and my scarf (5 seconds) and place them in the bin with my purse and other necessary travel crap, I mean items. That’s down to a minute- lovely. Here’s hoping that stripping becomes easier in the winter, despite the extra layer of warmth…